This is what I learned after six months going to the psychologist
Most of us, when we reach adulthood, we know perfectly how to take care of our body because they have taught us all our lives: brush your teeth, eat well, exercise, do not smoke or drink, do not peek so much that you go to fall, rest, sleep well, buckle up …
It is also common that if we want to improve something of our body, such as health or general physical condition, we go to a professional to help us and guide us: a doctor, a physiotherapist, a trainer … We know how to seek help.
Six months ago now, I got to that point: I realized that I would do a little help and thanks to a good friend, I found it. As it seems a taboo subject that is embarrassing to talk about, and because I think it can be of help to other people who are in a similar situation, I will tell here 13 things that I have learned in these six months by going to the consultation of a psychologist .
1. It is not necessary to be “fatal”
Before taking the step of calling the consultation of the one who is now my psychologist, I hesitated a lot because I kept repeating “Exaggerated, you’re not that bad”. Now I realize that this thought is nonsense, or is it that you would expect to be about to die to go to the doctor ?
Do not wait to be “fatal”. If for whatever reason you do not find yourself very consistently there and you think that a little help can come in handy, that’s enough reason.
2. Find someone with whom you feel comfortable
This is very important. As with a doctor, it is important that you feel comfortable with your psychologist . If you go to one and do not feel comfortable in your practice, look for another, another, another and those that are needed.
3. Sometimes at the beginning you do not even know why you’re going
In my experience, the cause of your problems is not always obvious . In my case, after spending a very bad year, and believing that I had straightened things out, I found a sad feeling that I could not overcome. It was like being in a hole where nothing held me back but from which I could not get out.
I did not know what kept me sad and therefore I could not fix it. Talking with my psychologist, I slowly unravel the skein and put every emotion its name and its cause.
4. Forget about your preconceived ideas
Going to therapy is not what we see in the movies . It looks more like a chat with a friend. Neither divan, nor “what do you see in this drawing”, nor tests, or anything. Just that, talk.
5. It is liberating to talk with someone who does not judge
Your family, your partner, your friends … With luck you have many people in your life with whom you can talk. That was my case, I did not lack ears. But they were ears that have their opinions and that for the love they have for me they wanted to help me by telling me what I should do. I was also sure that I already had them bored with so much fun.
With the therapy I knew I had an hour to talk about what I needed without personal judgments , without “what you have to do is this” and if my psychologist was bored, well, it was her job and what she was going to do. In any case, if I’ve ever bored her, she never showed it to me.
6. Liberator, yes, but not always nice
Precisely because my psychologist does not judge me, I do not feel tempted to shut things up or disguise them. And telling your raw truth sometimes is not pleasant at all . Many times I go out of therapy with my head upset and having cried the biggest.
7. It can get harder with time
As I say, the hour of therapy is not always pleasant, and some sessions are more so than others. In my case, it has been getting harder as we went forward, because the most obvious problems are the first ones you are focusing on, but once you have faced them (not solving, that goes to another rhythm), other things are coming out that maybe you did not have identification .
8. The importance of putting in words
If something I have learned in these six months is the importance of verbalizing what happens to you. Put it into words, even if it’s to tell yourself. Then you can tell others, or not, it’s your choice. But putting it into words makes everything more manageable than when it is a dark and indeterminate emotion in your head.
9. You will discover things about you that you like (and others that you do not)
By putting into words things that you have been thinking about but never expressed, you will discover details in them that you did not notice , and that you may like, or not like. Especially since many of them have to do with personality traits. Some will make you feel proud of yourself and others will cause you rejection . Part of the process is to accept both.
10. This will not be happy forever
Nobody believes that going to therapy is the way to achieve eternal happiness, because it is not like that. Being sad, angry, frustrated or apathetic is part of life and pretending otherwise is effectively paving the way to unhappiness.
11. This is about building strategies
The goal is rather to find the way to manage our head in all situations , including when we feel sad or frustrated, so that we are the best version of ourselves for ourselves.
12. You do this for yourself and for no one else
For ourselves, I say, because another thing that I have learned is that this goes, above all, of you. If I was not comfortable in my skin, I would not be with anyone else. If the house of cards is falling apart, reconstruct it starting with you . Then the others will come.
13. You have to talk more about this
In my close circles I have spoken of my visits to the psychologist as one who speaks of going to the physio: naturally and whenever the subject has arisen. And the most common reaction has been curiosity, empathy and personal interest , no rejection or discomfort from anyone, or almost anyone.
I was surprised to discover how many people around me have thought of seeking professional help of this kind at some time and never have done it , many times because of modesty and other times in the doubt of whether it really was something for them or not. I hope that hearing me talk about it helped you decide.
Do not be ashamed: seek help
No one is happy all the time and that has nothing wrong. Do not blame yourself or be ashamed of being unhappy , or ignore the situation thinking it is “normal” and spend the day clenching your teeth to cope with the situation. Luckily, there are people who can help us with it, just as doctors help us to be healthy. It is a question of seeking and taking advantage of that help .